Lately I’ve been musing on my past.
Specifically my past relationships. For some people this can be a bit of a downer. And I guarantee you I’ve been in those shoes too. However, this time, I’m simply reflecting and observing. Perhaps its the beginning of 2009, or the fact that I simply have more distance now so that I can simply look and see what part I played in the demise of those relationships.
I’m not talking about picking at scabs here, nor am I interested in beating myself up. Rather I’m curious as to the ways that I may have reacted (or not reacted) to things during past relationships and what, if any, affect those reactions had on the break up.
My friends say I’m very aloof and “good” about my breakups. What they’re referring to, I think, is the fact that after a relationship is over there is very little (if any) crying, cursing or gnashing of teeth. I admit, there’s some crying, cursing and gnashing going on…behind closed doors, and usually for months (and sometimes, even years) prior to the “official” ending of a relationship.
I’ve long been confused and befuddled by my gal pals who cry and moan and crawl up into a cocoon after the end of a relationship. It’s never been my style, but I am compassionate and “there.” I know pain and disappointment and although the flavor may be different the agony is the same.
That kind of agony hits me when I lose a client, hear about children or animals in pain or when I fail at something that I thought was a sure thing – like a national election for the group I volunteer with.
My heart lines are changing and I think that’s why I’m doing all this introspection, or possibly, the introspection is leading to the heart line changes. Since 2004 I’ve had two “strong and silent” heart lines. One on each hand. The heart lines are filled with chains and “dangling anger’s”, and I have Mars (Warrior) lines heading straight to the heart line. Yep, seems a big part of my life here on earth has to do with learning about relationships. This is what I love about this style of palmistry – it’s not about prediticting my future, it’s about watching my inner energy and processing show itself on my hands.
The Heart Lines are starting to stretch out – I’m trying on new heart lines. Just like getting used to a new hairstyle or way of dressing, it’s a slow process. On my right hand the Heart line has stretched past the stopping point for a Strong and Silent and then splits - rising up to the pointer (Jupiter) finger and the weaker line continues straight across to sit nearly, but not quite, below the mount of Jupiter.
These two branches are indicative of the inner work I’ve been doing on my heart and in my relationships. There’s a lot to be said for being Strong and Silent, and I suspect, that over time that will be the line I keep – - at least on my right hand. I enjoy the ability to be of the Earth. I like demonstrating that I care rather than having to talk about my feelings. My need for space is legendary, and so long as I find a way to honor my partner’s feelings and ask for my space in a honest way, it’s a good thing for both of us.
However, the introspection has lead me to talking to people about their feelings. About their relationships and about their love styles. This has lead to some great conversations with Michael about our relationship and I’m finding that talking about feelings isn’t as horrifying as I once believed. Through talking and learning (that’s the Philosopher heart line trying to land below the mount of Jupiter) I’m becoming more empathetic to the needs of others in my life. I’m finding it more natural to put their needs before my own when the situation calls for it and I’m finding it fun to watch people light up when I share time, or small gifts with them. Those traits are those of the Nurturer Heart line — which swoops up to the base of the Jupiter finger.
Through this process I’ve become hyper-aware of my role in the success and failures of my previous relationships. I can pinpoint where I stopped really listening and hearing my partner’s needs. I recognize myself in the habits and language my former lover’s used that made me cringe. I see how I used the gift of my Strong and Silent Heart to allow me to put the blame on the other person, while I knew all along I had picked a partner that would destroy my trust and keep my Life Lesson rolling along.
Perhaps, because of the distance that time provides I’m okay with the part I played in those situations. Not that I think it was “right,” rather, I accept it as part of the drill of being human and of longing for connection, even while it managed to keep me from intimacy.
Moving forward, my desire is to be more authentic, to be more curious and to be more aware of the role I play in all my relationships. Reading hands helps me do that. Each of my closest friends, my family and my partner have let me read their hands. I don’t commit what I read to memory but rather I commit to recognizing the perfection in them, their need for connection and their need to be truly seen – by me and the others in their lives.
In the coming months and years I commit myself fully to listening to not only what’s being said, but what’s under the voice – the true energy and essence of people reaching out.
Be sure to hold me accountable!
If you’d like to see samples of all the heart line types discussed in this post, they’re available in mybook, Your Guide to Non-Predictive Palmistry.
Wondering what your heart lines have to say about your non-negotiables in love and relationships? Can the lines in your hands help you communicate more effectively? Send me an email or visit Awaken Your Soul to find out.