Since declaring yesterday, in no uncertain terms, that I’m no longer going to be a pushover, that from now on I’m going to stand up for myself when I normally would just shrug my shoulders and think “C’est la vie,” I’ve been sort of side-swiped into having to face the reality of what it really means not to put up with “good enough.”
And it’s tiring. I’m tired.
This isn’t about me being a bully or picking fights just to be difficult. I’ll still stand by the idea that at my core I’m a lover, not a fighter. However, this “new” me isn’t going to simply roll over and play dead just because I’m not willing to ruffle a few feathers. Which is precisely what the Jupiter Star on BOTH MY HANDS have been insisting I do all along. For 5 years now I’ve been staring at those Jupiter mounts and their accompanying stars and thinking – “Hmmm. I’m not hiding out from power, I’m perfectly happy being in charge of my life.” Clearly, I’ve finally gotten the cosmic smack on the head I need to realize that maybe, just maybe, I need to be a tad better at owning my freaking power.
I’m still maneuvering this new and improved version of me, so I’m sure there are going to be some challenges. There are going to be moments when I lose my cool at the wrong time or with the wrong person (so I remind myself daily — “never shoot the messenger”) and there are going to be times that I go to the mat and get my say but don’t get my way. Hopefully with enough practice I’ll recognize how to be true to me and my decision to never settle in any area of my life and still be a human being who loves.
Today though, I wish I’d taken this stance on a Monday when I was feeling refreshed and not still sick. I’ve had to back-burner my continuing “discussions” with Comcast Cable because there’s more research to be done and to be frank, I’m not up to it today. I’m frustrated that my attorney hasn’t gotten back to me about a seemingly simple question I posed yesterday and I’m downright ticked off that my doctor did not call in the RX he said he would and now I have to wait til Monday to call and figure out that snafu.
In the grand scheme of things — all are manageable, and I don’t intend to fly off the handle to get these things managed. In the past, I probably would have let them all slide just because, and that’s the difference. The awareness that I’m captaining this ship that is my life — and while I know I have some amazing guidance in the form of Angels, Guides and others, I can’t simply roll over and say to myself that “it will all work out,” without a plan for working it out.
I’d love to hear your thoughts – am I crazy? How do you handle the irritations large and small that cross your path each day?
How do I handle these little irritations? If they’re little I tend to stay quiet and hold my tongue. When I feel I need to assert myself, I often do so pointedly and in great exacting detail. After that, I tend to “fire” people: I find a new internet solution.; I find a new doctor / pharmacy; I tell that customer that I can no longer do work with them.
A good exercise that Pamir taught me is to simply stand, feet shoulders width appart in a grounded “warrior’s stance” for five minutes each day asking questions, like: What do I stand for? What will I not stand for? When do I take a stand? etc.
Holy Cow — one more reason that I think Pamir and I may be separated at birth — lol (hope he doesn’t mind me saying that) is that those questions are precisely what I have my clients work on — bout time I take my own advice, eh David?
Thank you so much for stopping by and giving me your thoughts David!
Peggie
“those questions are precisely what I have my clients work on — bout time I take my own advice” That is so often where the answers lie, isn’t it?
And I guess we need some outside point of reference to remind us when we’re not on our own path. (I’m just mulling that over wrt me and a few things I teach other people and need to resume applying for myself, right about now!)
I am sorry to hear you’re not feeling well – simultaneously, congrats on seeing the lesson in this for you so quickly! I believe that helps us move forward more easily, when we’re not resisting.
And who is this Pamir person and where can I find him?! I love that 5-minute exercise!
Hi Peggie!
I hope you’re feeling better. I was clicking around in facebook, trying to find out how to make a little heart thingy, and wound up reading your note. I’m having a couple of thoughts that I’d like to share.
First, there are times when “c’est la vie” is powerful and assertive and completely appropriate.
Second, I agree with David; I’ll put up with just so much before I start shopping for a new ______. It depends on the depth of the existing relationship and why ______ happened. (for example: was your doctor super busy, or did he have attitude? where you able to get a partial ‘script until monday, or will there be a delay in treatment? an attitude, or delay in treatment mean he’s not doing the doctor-thing the right way, and I would find one who would.) I’m all about the “why”.
3rd, a little something I like to keep on hand and in mind is the true meaning of the word ‘bitch’: Babe In Total Control of her House. And a little secret I keep in my heart; I love being a Bitch.
I’ve learned the hard way to hold my tongue. No to not have an opinion or feel value, just to hold my tongue. If it won’t stop flying around my head, I write a letter then destroy it. Does wonders for chronic rumination. (and ps, don’t write it on the computer and wind up sending it. ugh, that succks.)
Good luck, Darlin…stand tall. take a deep breath. pick your battles.
peace, Drea (Andi)
oops. P.S.: “were” you able to get a partial ‘script?
as in ‘were’ you able to proofread before you hit send? : )
Sorry for the delay in responding Drea and Marcy —
the doctor HAD sent my RX but because I have a weird name — Peggie being a nickname for Margaret the pharmacy didn’t think I was me. Even though I feel certain that I would have pointed out that the script could be under Peggie or Margaret. sigh. all is well there.
Marcy — Pamir is a reiki teacher based in florida but he’s also a friend of mine on FB — such an amazing, wonderful soul — you should seek him out and follow him!